I've started a Tumblr to accompany my weight loss blog... I'll be posting the majority of my progress photos here. Right now I've set it up to be a history of my fatness... eventually we will get to present pictures but right now it's a virtual treasure trove of embarrassing pictorials and low self esteem! I know you don't want to miss that. Photo log of my journey to health. Companion to my long-winded blog at http://fatbreakup.blogspot.com

 

01/28/13, 220 pounds. This sweater is a few years old and fits fairly well. My biggest problem with sweaters is that most of them aren’t very long and they always ride up over my belly. Hoping that problem won’t matter as I shrink that belly!
Don’t mind my pajama pants, I just finished exercising.

01/28/13, 220 pounds. This sweater is a few years old and fits fairly well. My biggest problem with sweaters is that most of them aren’t very long and they always ride up over my belly. Hoping that problem won’t matter as I shrink that belly!

Don’t mind my pajama pants, I just finished exercising.

Weight Gains and Science

After my weight-gain freakout I spent a good amount of time surfing the web, googling things like “new exercise program makes you gain weight”. General consensus is that yes, this can happen early on, especially with a new strength training program. New exercisers tend to push themselves a bit too hard (all that extra muscle soreness we feel in the days after we enthusiastically throw ourselves into a workout we are SO not prepared for), our muscles get damaged, and our bodies retain water - sometimes several pounds worth of water - to help repair those damaged muscles. I guess it’s science or something.

Some sites I read recommended not using the scale at all during the start of a new strength training program. Not using it for up to a month, even! I don’t think I have the fortitude to do that but they’re right in saying we should use other measurements of success BESIDES the scale because the scale doesn’t tell us everything that’s going on inside our bodies. We should use body measurements, body fat percentages, how our clothes fit, and how we feel as indicators of progress, for instance.

It’s a week later and I’ve lost six pounds, so I dropped that four I gained PLUS two. I guess I didn’t need to freak out after all. Hard work and good nutrition will pay off, I just need to be patient - AND stop stalking the scale.

bodydiy:

Cookie Dough Greek Yogurt - add 1 tbsp nut butter, 1 tbsp sweetener, 1 tbsp mini chips, and 1/4 tsp vanilla to Greek yogurt.

bodydiy:

Cookie Dough Greek Yogurt - add 1 tbsp nut butter, 1 tbsp sweetener, 1 tbsp mini chips, and 1/4 tsp vanilla to Greek yogurt.

Punch To The Gut

My weight just jumped four pounds. It’s only been three days since I last weighed myself. I jumped from 222 to 226. I mentioned just a post or two ago that I had some struggles with food this weekend, but it was more a “quality” issue than a “quantity” issue. And I worked out REALLY hard the past four days. I have been feeling strong and was confident I’d see a lower number today. To see one that is higher, that is THAT MUCH higher! More than a pound a day!!

Mathematically it seems impossible. I’d have had to have eaten 14000 calories JUST for those four pounds. That’s 14000 MORE calories than I consumed just to offset my daily expenditures of energy PLUS more than I burned off with exercise. I KNOW I didn’t eat 14000 EXTRA calories this weekend.

I know that there are other factors to what we weigh. I know that I could be retaining water. I know that I could have put on muscle with how hard I’ve been working, and that maybe it hasn’t had time to burn off the extra fat yet. I know that, as a diabetic who injects insulin, having excess insulin in my body can make me gain weight. I know that sometimes it’s just a fucking mystery.

Logically knowing all of those things doesn’t change the emotional shock of seeing that huge gain though. It’s not an exaggeration to say I feel pretty devastated right now. I want to curl into a ball and cry.

I worked so HARD. So fucking hard.

200 Squats: Week One Day Two

I’m working on the “200 Squats” program, the beginner version. I did Week One Day Two today. My legs are burning but I did it.

200 situps: Week One Day Two

I’m working on the “200 Sit-Ups” (crunches; I can’t do an actual sit up) plan, the easiest edition. I did week one, day two today. My crunches aren’t good form at all, I can barely get off the floor. My abs are probably the weakest part of my body. Aiming for improvement!

Crossfit Mom Workout: Noah

I have started doing the Beginner Workouts over at Crossfit Mom. I’m not pregnant but I’d like to be, and I need to be healthier to do so. I love the idea of Crossfit and have dreamed about being one of their ‘people’ for a long time. One step at a time. I have practically NO crossfit / gym equipment. I can’t afford a Crossfit gym membership. I’m grossly overweight and out of shape. All that being said, I’m going to do the best I can - it’s the only way I’ll ever get better.

Beginner

3 rounds

200m run - it’s 10 degrees here today and I HATE the cold. I don’t have a treadmill. I substituted jogging in circles in my son’s bedroom for two minutes instead.

10 push ups - I did modified pushups, on my knees.

10 good mornings - I have a weight bar in the garage but I practiced with a spare wooden closet rod to make sure I can do it and maintain good form.

10 pull up progressions - I don’t have anything resembling a pull up bar. I did my best to modify this by pulling myself up using the side of my son’s loft-style bed.

16 minutes.

Mini Peanut Butter Cups

My celiac friend shared these with me on facebook. I haven’t tried them yet but they’re gluten / grain / sugar free… could definitely be a nice healthier alternative to Reese’s!

I’ve struggled a lot this weekend with overeating and making good food choices. I’ve done great with exercise but you simply cannot out-exercise a poor diet. You can look great on the outside and be terribly unhealthy on the inside. I don’t want that to be me. I’m doing this for my HEALTH more than anything else. So I decided to write my next small goal weight on my arm to remind me of what I’m working so hard for.

I’ve struggled a lot this weekend with overeating and making good food choices. I’ve done great with exercise but you simply cannot out-exercise a poor diet. You can look great on the outside and be terribly unhealthy on the inside. I don’t want that to be me. I’m doing this for my HEALTH more than anything else. So I decided to write my next small goal weight on my arm to remind me of what I’m working so hard for.

Oh is that all I have to do! Who knew it was so easy?                              

Oh is that all I have to do! Who knew it was so easy?                              

The only caveat I have to this is I *do* need to be healthier. My exercise and eating habits need improvement so I can have a strong, healthy body and a long life with my loved ones.

The only caveat I have to this is I *do* need to be healthier. My exercise and eating habits need improvement so I can have a strong, healthy body and a long life with my loved ones.

(Source: destinedwunderkind)

thasunthamoonthatruth asked
You are beautiful, you dont need to lose wait to be happy. i know i dont know you but i do know your self esteem is probably lower than mine. dont change if you believe you are a good mother, friend and whoever else you can be

Thank you for your kind words. My self esteem IS very low sometimes. What’s strange is I feel really good about who I am as a person. I feel really terrible about the way I look most of the time though. It’s a sad dichotomy and it’s definitely something worth working on. Having a complete stranger take time out of their day to reach out and compliment me really lifts me up.

As far as ‘changing’ goes, I definitely need to change to be healthy. I have a lot of health problems and the weight and my poor exercise / eating habits only make them worse. I want to be healthy and live a long time. It’s tough sometimes to balance my health goal and not wanting to shame myself for being fat though.

I promise I will work on loving myself more no matter how I look.